Internet Info 1994 March/Internet Info CD-ROM (Walnut Creek) (March 1994).iso/answers/alt/sex/faq/part1

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From: [e-mail] (David Johnson)
Newsgroups: alt.sex,alt.answers,news.answers
Subject: [alt.sex] FAQ (1/4)
Followup-To: alt.sex
Date: 15 Feb 1994 04:50:18 GMT
Organization: SOCS - McGill University, Montreal, Canada
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Approved: [e-mail]
Expires: 5 Apr 1994
Message-ID: <2jpkaa$[e-mail]>
NNTP-Posting-Host: binkley
Summary: frequently asked questions for alt.sex
Keywords: Parts Intro to c3-2.
Originator: [e-mail]
Originator: [e-mail]
Xref: bloom-beacon.mit.edu alt.sex:54114 alt.answers:1836 news.answers:15197

Archive-name: alt-sex/faq/part1
Last-modified: 14 Feb 1994

           THE OFFICIAL ALT.SEX FAQ FILE WITH ANSWERS
           ------------------------------------------

                    (dated February 1, 1994)

PURPOSE OF THE FAQ FILE

Alt.sex receives significantly more traffic than your typical
newsgroup. Readers of this group have more than enough to read
through without having to filter out inappropriate posts. To help
prevent the constant debating of these points, this post serves
as a guide to the Frequently Asked Questions. If you are new to
this group, please take the time to read through this file, even
if only to read the Table of Contents.

This does not mean these things are not subject to further
debate, merely that they HAVE been considered by the readers
here. If you have something significant to add to the subject,
then feel free to post.

Not every question has a definitive answer. Everyone has
different tastes, preferences, and physical attributes, so it is
nearly impossible to answer certain questions, such as: is a
man's hand or foot size or his height related to his penis size?

There are sex-related questions that are not answered in this
FAQ. Please refer to section c2-12 for additional sex topics that
are covered in other FAQs.

Every effort has been made to keep attributions to authors in
this FAQ file as accurate as possible when available. In many
cases however, the name of the original poster has been lost
through repeated transfers. I have corrected typos and other
errors as I come across them but some slip through, nevertheless.

This FAQ is by no means complete. If you have suggestions as to
changes or additions please email me at: [e-mail]

USING THE FAQ FILE

In order to navigate more easily through this file there are:

1)   separators "-------------------" after most question-answer
     sections;

2)   separators "================..." after main categories;

3)   unique question numbering (i.e., cX-Y is category X,
     question Y.)

Use the search function on your editor (you do have an editor,
right?) to jump to ends of sections by searching for "------" or
"========", and to questions by searching for "cX-Y". If you're
going through this with a newsreader such as rn use the goto
function to navigate through this FAQ. (In rn use the g command.)
The Table of Contents lists all questions covered in the FAQ.

Thank you for your support.

Editors of the FAQ file,
- David Johnson and Snugglebunny
  [e-mail]

[License is hereby granted to republish on electronic media for
which no fees are charged (except for the media used), so long as
proper attribution is given to the editors and the authors of
this FAQ, and the text of this copyright notice and license are
attached intact to any and all republished portion or portions.]

CHANGES (Feb 1)
- added short definition for sodomy
- reorganized FAQ

FORMER CHANGES (Oct 1)
- updated "Where can I get the purity tests?"

FUTURE CHANGES
- update "STDs", "Contraception"
- add section on lubricants
- add section on where/how to develop nude/erotic photos
- any suggestions?

=================================================================

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

Category 1.    Alt.sex terms and acronyms

Category 2.    Where can I find...?
  c2-1    Where can I find this FAQ?
  c2-2    What versions of the purity test are there?
  c2-3    Where can I get the purity tests?
  c2-4    Where can I find alt.sex stories? are there archive
          sites for them?
  c2-5    Where can I find binary pictures and/or movies?
  c2-6    What are good books to read up on?
  c2-7    What stores sell sex-toys, etc.?
  c2-8    Where can I find the archives for alt.sex.bondage &
          alt.sex.stories?
  c2-9    Where can I find the Index to USENET Erotica?
  c2-10   Where can I order from via catalog?
  c2-11   Where can I find sex-related mailing lists?
  c2-12   Where can I find additional sex topics on USENET?

Category 3.    Practical and "how-to" stuff
  c3-1    What should I do to make (the first attempt at) vaginal
          sex easiest?
  c3-2    What should I do to make (the first attempt at) oral
          sex easiest?
  c3-3    What should I do to make (the first attempt at) anal
          sex easiest?
  c3-4    How does one give a hand job?
  c3-5    What is the Venus butterfly?
  c3-6    What is and where is the G-spot?
  c3-7    How can females ejaculate?
  c3-8    What about oral/vaginal sex during a woman's period?
  c3-9    What can one do about premature ejaculation?
  c3-10   What are some good positions to try out?

Category 4.    Biological stuff
  c4-1    What are the contents of semen?
  c4-2    How much semen and how many sperm are in a single
          ejaculate?
  c4-3    Does what I eat affect the taste of semen/vaginal
          fluids?
  c4-4    What's the average length and width penis?
  c4-5    What's the average depth vagina?
  c4-6    What are blue balls?
  c4-7    Is spanish fly dangerous?
  c4-8    Is it possible to get pregnant from anal sex?

Category 5.    Sexual aids
  c5-1    Should I buy a vibrator?
          What kind of vibrators are there?
          Do vibrators 'desensitize' women?
          Can I be replaced by a vibrator?
  c5-2    What is a good lubricant to use? (future addition)

Category 6.    General stuff
  c6-1    What is circumcision and why is it done?
  c6-2    What percentage of men and women masturbate? and at
          what frequency?
  c6-3    How are the bases defined again? (ie. 1st base =
          kissing, etc.)
  c6-4    What is the M-spot?
  c6-5    How to shave your pubic region (female)

Category 7.    STDs
  c7-1    How is the AIDS virus transmitted? and what does a HIV
          test show?
  c7-2    What is HPV (human papilloma virus)? treatment?
  c7-3    The major sexually transmitted disease (STDs) and their
          symptoms (Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Genital Herpes, AIDS,
          Pubic Lice (Crabs), Nonspecific Urethritis (NSU),
          Hepatitis B are covered)
  c7-4    What are venereal warts? treatment?

Category 8.    Contraception
  c8-1    What are the various methods of contraception? and
          their effectiveness rates? and their associated risks
          if any?
  c8-2    What kinds of condoms are there?
  c8-3    Is the Pill safe? (future addition)
  c8-4    What about Norplant? (future addition)

Category 9.    Myths

Appendix 1.    List of contributors

=================================================================

Category 1.    Alt.sex terms and acronyms

:),:-)  - smiley, indicates humor or sarcasm (many variations
          exist)
69      - mutual oral sex
ASB     - alt.sex.bondage
B&D     - bondage and discipline (consensual)
BTW     - by the way
D&S     - Dominance and Submission
FAQ     - frequently asked question
IMHO    - in my humble/honest opinion
IMNSHO  - in my not so humble opinion
LJBF    - let's just be friends
MOTAS   - member of the appropriate sex
MOTOS   - member of the opposite sex
MOTSS   - member of the same sex
P&T     - Power & Trust
S&M,S/M - sadism and masochism, SexMagik (consensual)
SO      - significant other

anilingus    - similar to cunnilingus but with the anus
bestiality   - sex with animals
blue balls   - see question c4-6
clitoris     - the most sensitive external female sex organ (for
               approximate location, see diagram in c3-6, second
               article)
cunnilingus  - oral sex involving the vulva
dental dam   - a piece of latex placed over the vulva during
               cunnilingus to protect both partners from STDs
fellatio     - oral sex involving the penis
fisting      - inserting a whole HAND into either the vagina or
               the anus
gerbiling    - the activity of Urban Legend status regarding the
               insertion of a gerbil or similarly-sized rodent
               into the anus
ObSex        - Obligated Sexual Comment/Reference; inserted at
               the end of some posts which otherwise have very
               little to do with sex
rimming      - similar to anilingus but with the "rim" of the
               anus
safeword     - the code phrase or word used in any sort of
               B&D/S&M activity that really means "Stop NOW."
sodomy       - often simply refers to anal sex; however, the
               actual dictionary definition includes anything
               considered "unnatural or deviate sexual
               intercourse" which may include everything from
               oral sex to sex between partners of the same
               gender
water sports - sex involving urine or urination (also "scat", sex
               involving feces)

=================================================================

Category 2.    Where can I find...?

c2-1.     Where can I find this FAQ?

First of all, look for it in alt.sex, news.answers, alt.answers

If you can't find it there, you can find the (hopefully) latest
version via ftp at:
     rtfm.mit.edu
in   /pub/usenet/alt-sex

By the way: many periodic or FAQ articles, including this one,
are available for anonymous ftp on the archive site rtfm.mit.edu
in the directory pub/usenet/news.answers. The name under which a
FAQ is archived appears is the one that appears in the
'Archive-name' line at the top of the article.

If you can't do or don't know about ftp: there's also a mail
server on that machine. Just send an e-mail message to
[e-mail] containing the word "help" in the body
of the message.

------------------------------------------

c2-2.     What versions of the purity test are there?

The versions:

70   ---  Ronnie Geller Immorality Quiz
75   ---  "For those with really low scores on the other
          versions"
100MF---  Allegedly the original MIT version; one test for guys,
          one for gals
100a ---  Rice Version
100b ---  Unknown origin; obtained via CMU
100c ---  From a Penthouse column Sept 1989
100d ---  Ricket's House Purity Test
100e ---  Unknown origin; obtained vi Uga
100f ---  Dabney House Purity Test (Cal Tech)
100g ---  Official Lloyd House Women's Purity Test (22-Aug-78)
100h ---  The Ivory Snow (Job) Purity Test (almost the same as
          100a)
132  ---  For those who got over 80% on the other versions
200  ---  Condensation of the 500; obtained via JHU
225  ---  The Unisex Experience Test
247  ---  First CMU version
350  ---  For those with ***REALLY*** low scores on the other
          versions
400  ---  Apparently, a differently formatted version of the 400a
          -- but, since it is not formatted as well, I'm guessing
          it came out first.
400a ---  Second CMU version
400b ---  Anti-Celibacy League Version
400c ---  PSU version
425  ---  Third CMU version
500  ---  Yale/Dartmouth version
600  ---  SUNY Potsdam/Clarkson version
800  ---  Purities and Improprieties Test -- from somewhere in
          the DC area
1000 ---  Origin uncertain; Colorado State?
1000a---  Pervert's Anonymous qualification form (Oregon State
          version)
1000b---  Same as 1000a, minor revisions, easier to print.
1500 ---  You thought the 1000 was bad? You ain't seen nothing
          yet!
BBS  ---  Modified 1000 designed for interactive taking on a BBS
bi   ---  For bisexuals only. Doesn't give you a percentage like
          standard tests do. It is designed to (quote) "be taken
          by bisexuals to tickle their fancy"

-------------------tests you need software for-------------------

HyperCard
HyperCard 1000 question test
500.tex   ---  Needs a (La)tex reader. Reader available via FTP
               from oak.oakland.edu in /pub/msdos/tex (at the
               time of making this file)
500.el    ---  An Emacs lisp program. You need an emac compiler.-

-----------------Other purity test related files-----------------

brain.damaged  --   (are you?)
compatibility  --   compatibility test for partners
decadence      --   stolen straight from Cosmo, female oriented
hacker.128     --   Computer Purity Test
hacker.512a    --   The hacker test -- written by Felix Lee, John
                    Hayes, and Angela Thomas, and in the form of
                    a datafile readably by the purity test
                    program (written by Eric Lechner)
hacker.512b    --   Same as above -- more readable by us human
                    beans
jock.100       --   The Jock Test
math           --   Math Purity Test (Harvard)
mundane.100    --   The Mundanity Test -- (as far as I know,
                    credits go to [e-mail]) (Rutgers)
mundane.200    --   (2.0 -- 12-01-1990)
nerd.100a      --   The nerd test
nerd.100b      --   The nerd test -- Squid version
nerd.200       --   The nerd test (2.1 -- 3-12-1992)
net            --   Usenet Purity Test
redneck        --   application form to live in Festus, Missouri
roadkill.232   --   The Unisex, Roadkill Purity Test
tree           --   Purity test family tree
party          --   How to have a purity test party

------------------------------------------

c2-3.     Where can I get the purity tests?

Anonymous FTP sites:

You may want to check out the ftp sites from the archie database
at archie.mcgill.ca:

ocf.berkeley.edu
     Location: /pub
          DIRECTORY drwxr-xr-x     1024   Feb 27 03:20  purity

quartz.rutgers.edu
     Location: /pub
          DIRECTORY drwxr-xr-x     512    Jan 19 00:09  purity

watserv1.waterloo.edu
     Location: /misc
          FILE -rw-r--r--          50537  Mar 28 1989   purity

deja-vu.aiss.uiuc.edu
     Location: /misc/fun
          DIRECTORY drwxr-xr-x     512    Mar 17 16:17  test

If the archives do not have the version you are looking for or
are not available to you, then you may ask the following people,
who have volunteered their services in e-mailing out purity
tests.

Please do not abuse their kindness. The above list of purity
tests is a composite, so not all distributors will necessarily
have every test. Ask around. (If you wish to be included in this
list, mail me.)

When asking for purity tests, specify which versions. The tests
will be provided in ASCII format unless otherwise noted.

Purity test contacts:
  1) [e-mail] (Blair Seidler)
  2) [e-mail] (David Smith)
     (has test in both ASCII and MS Word formats)
  3) [e-mail] (Carl Boernecke)
  4) [e-mail] (Tim Hagman)
  5) [e-mail] (Steamed Rhubarb Fondue)
     (has 1500 point version)

------------------------------------------

c2-4.     Where can I find alt.sex stories? are there archive
          sites for them?

If you are just looking for stories in general, check the
newsgroups alt.sex.stories and rec.arts.erotica FIRST. Many
stories are also cross-posted to alt.sex.

As for story archives, well, there used to be a few.
Unfortunately, due to misuse by people, they are no longer
around. In this section we used to mention a couple but they both
shut down for the same reasons: irresponsible, immature, and
greedy users over-used their services. When people misuse a
service offered to them that service generally shuts down.

Therefore, there are currently no known ftp sites for stories or
rec.arts.erotica. If any site ever dares to try to set up a ftp
story archive again people should definitely learn to respect the
system that is offering the archive and respect the wishes of the
archive's maintainers.

There is a mail-server for alt.sex.bondage and alt.sex.stories
right now (see section c2-8), but that service won't last long if
it is misused. Don't try to get the whole archive in one night!

If anyone would like to offer their services whether to e-mail
stories or to set up an archive, tell me. That way we can spread
the load around a little.

------------------------------------------

c2-5.     Where can I find binary pictures and/or movies?

The newsgroups of the alt.binaries.pictures.* (like
a.b.p.erotica) are your best bet for X- and R-rated GIFs and
binary pictures in other formats. For pictures more along the
line of swimsuit models, check out wuarchive.wustl.edu via
anonymous FTP, in graphics/gif. The images are arranged
alphabetically. Don't abuse the ftp service or it won't be here
next month.

Also in alt.binaries.pictures.erotica are often binary movies in
various formats. Read the alt.binaries.pictures.* FAQs for more
info.

There is also a list of BBS' containing adult GIF files. The list
is posted to alt.bbs.lists and alt.sex periodically. There are
several hundred BBS' listed.

------------------------------------------

c2-6.     What are good books to read up on?

"Man's Body: an owner's manual"
"Woman's Body: an owner's manual"
"More Joy of Sex"

Elf's ([e-mail]) recommended reading list includes:

  "The New Our Bodies, Ourselves."
  The Boston Women's Health Book Collective, 1984.

I don't care what sex you are, male or female, BUY AND READ THIS
BOOK COVER TO COVER! If you feel it is necessary, ignore the
feminist attitudes taken in the political sections of the book
and rely on the technical details. Although it was written before
the age of AIDS, NorPlant, and RU-486, it contains information on
every other method of birth control, as well as articles on
abortion, reproductive technology, and sexually transmitted
diseases. An utterly invaluable book to women and people who love
them.

  "The Joy of Sex," by Alex Comfort

Although these two books have a few problems, they are excellent
introductory material for people who wish to try a few new
things. These books were written in the 1970's and it shows;
homosexual and bisexual issues are under the "Problem" header,
for instance.

  "Delicious Sex" by Gael Greene.

Since I rarely buy "mainstream" sex manuals any more, this one
may be just a typical example. But it does have fun and sexy
examples.

  "Sex for One," by Betty Dodson.

The best guide to masturbation ever written.

  "Bi Any Other Name"

Is a useful book for people dealing with their own or a loved
one's bisexuality.

  "Coming to Power" by SAMOIS

Although primarily written for lesbians, "Coming to Power" is the
most practical guide to SM I have ever had the pleasure of
reading.

First Aid, physical and emotional safety, personal testimonies,
politics (sigh), and a few hot stories to boot! Also useful from
the same source, "The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual," not for
lesbians only.

  FICTION:

  "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty,"
  "Beauty's Punishment,"
  "Beauty's Release." By Anne Rice, the author of "The Vampire
Lestat" and "The Witching Hour," "The Erotic Adventures of
Sleeping Beauty," is a wonderfully hot and sexy fantasy for
anyone willing to spend a few sleepless hours. Excellent bathtime
reading.

  "Exit to Eden," also by Anne Rice. Another sexy SM story, this
one is set in modern-day New Orleans.

------------------------------------------

c2-7.     What stores sell sex-toys, etc.?

From: [e-mail] (Elf Sternberg)

There are several different places to buy sex toys. The most
common is the typical "adult" bookstore, where dildoes,
vibrators, and such can be bought. Typically, though, these
places are ugly, dirty, and uncomfortable.

The most common place for people to buy sextoys are lingerie
stores, which usually have a shelf set up to sell vibrators,
oils, body flavourings and paint. (Recommendations- whipped cream
and strawberry jelly are better than anything you could buy in
one of these places).

If you want a _real_ quality vibrator, buy a "body massager" at a
major department store, such as Service Merchandiser or Bests'.
With wall current you've got all the vibration you could ever
need and never worry about battery failure. Just remember to use
lubricant!

See c2-10 for mail-order companies.
See c5-1 for more info on vibrators.

------------------------------------------

c2-8.     Where can I find the archives for alt.sex.bondage &
          alt.sex.stories?

From:   Richard Shetron  [e-mail]
                         [e-mail]

My email file server is now up and running. This is a heavily
modified version of the decwrl package by Brian Reid.

The easiest way to get started is to read the rest of this
section and then send email to [e-mail] with the
word help as the first and only word in the body of the message
and no subject. Scanning the subject line will be discontinued.

I am currently over a year behind in moving stories into the
server. I am (or will be) including alt.sex.bondage,
alt.sex.stories, and rec.arts.erotica. I am archiving stories and
articles that I believe to be of general interest.

Anonymous ftp is not available to this machine and is NOT
planned. If you have any questions or problems with the server,
send email to [e-mail]. If you have
trouble getting email to that address, try
[e-mail]. Anonymous contact via wizvax may be
sent to either wi.5203 or [e-mail] . DO NOT use
[e-mail] for server requests. Requests
sent to that address may end up in the bit bucket.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, hardware and/or system
crashes can normally take several days to resolve. If email to
the server or the other contact addresses bounces, please wait at
least one week before retrying. I will try to post service
interruption reports to alt.sex.bondage and alt.sex.stories. I
will also try to spread word on irc in #bondage.

Privacy/system logs: The server logs all incoming requests and
all responses. This information is retained for a few days before
being deleted. I normally check the logs at least once a day to
try and find any server bugs/problems as early as possible. I
don't care who you are or where you are unless you are extremely
greedy in accessing the server.

------------------------------------------

c2-9.     Where can I find the Index to USENET Erotica?

From:     Ed Stauff      ([e-mail])

The "Index of USENET Erotica", also known as the Official
Alt.Sex.Story.Index, is maintained by Ed Stauff ([e-mail])
for his own amusement and as a service to the Net. It is an index
to stories posted to rec.arts.erotica, alt.sex, and
alt.sex.stories. It contains a fairly complete listing of
"vanilla" net.erotica; it does not include much S&M/B&D,
bestiality or gay material, due to Ed's own preferences. (This is
not censorship; if you want to index such material, please do
so.) Each listing includes the title (not a filename), author (if
known), size, archive name from rec.arts.erotica (if it has one),
and a brief synopsis/review. Now, listen closely: Ed is *NOT* an
archive site! Requests for stories will be ignored! Got that?
He's not keen on mailing out copies of the Index, either; his net
access is limited and he can't handle dozens of request per week.
He posts it at irregular intervals to alt.sex and
alt.sex.stories; watch for it there.

------------------------------------------

c2-10.    Where can I order from via catalog?

From:     [e-mail] (Jonathan I. Kamens)

Here's a list of mail-order companies. The comments in
parentheses indicates what the company sells or other notes. Some
of them might not accept catalog orders over the phone, but they
probably all will by mail.

Adam & Eve
1 Apple Court
P.O. Box 800
Carrboro, NC  27510-0800
800-765-2326
(videos, toys, lingerie)

Intimate Treasures
P.O. Box 77902
San Francisco, CA  94107-0902
415-896-0944
(mostly other catalogs)

JT Toys
Route 2, Box 91
Cobden, IL  62920
800-755-TOYS  (That's 800-755-8697)  USA and Canada only
618-893-4042
(videos, toys, lingerie)
Their catalog is available via ftp at world.std.com as:
/pub/jttoys/Catalog

Leisure Time Products
P.O. Box 827
Gary, IN  46401-9900
800-874-8960
(videos, toys, lingerie)

Mellow Mail
P.O. Box 8000
San Rafael, CA  94912-8000
415-456-1800
(mostly lingerie)

National 96
P.O. Box 35445
Los Angeles, CA  90035
(videos)

Night Classics
P.O. Box 3916
Milford, CT  06460
203-878-8704
(video, toys, lingerie)

Ultra Video
P.O. Box 3812
Milford, CT  06460
203-876-9862

Video Bonanza
P.O. Box 35650
Los Angeles, CA  90035
(mostly videos, a small amount of toys, lingerie, etc.)
(probably the same company as "National 96")

VideoMail
P.O. Box 1550
Madison Square Station
New York, NY  10159
800-334-5474

Volume Video
P.O. Box 35268
Los Angeles, CA  90035
(probably the same company as "Video Bonanza")

------------------------------------------

c2-11.    Where can I find sex-related mailing lists?

You can't.

There have been countless rumours about sex lists, but there are
none. So please don't ask me if you can get onto my mailing list.
I don't have a sex-related mailing list.

------------------------------------------

c2-12.    Where can I find additional sex topics on USENET?

If you're looking for additional topics on sexual wizardry, look
in the alt.sex.wizards FAQ (Archive-name:
alt-sex/wizards-faq/part*). The following topics are covered in
that FAQ:

     How does one make a simulacrum (artificial orifice)?
     What other masturbatory aids are there?
     Is it possible for men to be multi-orgasmic?
     What are Kegel exercises?
     How can one increase the force of ejaculation?
     How does one give the Yoni massage?
     How does one give the Lingam massage?
     What is the Sex Magic Reality Creation Process?
     What is the Tantric Polarity Process?
     What are some good books on Tantra/sacred sexuality?
     The Teachings of Kama Sutra

If you're looking for additional information on bondage/
dominance or sadism/masochism or many other such interesting
topics, look in the alt.sex.bondage FAQ.

By the way: many periodic or FAQ articles, including these two,
are available for anonymous ftp on the archive site rtfm.mit.edu
in the directory pub/usenet/news.answers. The name under which a
FAQ is archived appears is the one that appears in the
'Archive-name' line at the top of the article.

If you can't do or don't know about ftp: there's also a mail
server on that machine. Just send an e-mail message to
[e-mail] containing the word "help" in the body
of the message.

=================================================================

Category 3.    Practical and "how-to" stuff

c3-1.     What should I do to make (the first attempt at) vaginal
          sex easiest?

FOR THE VIRGIN FEMALE:

1)   Do it in a place where she feels safe, ideally in her own
     bedroom.
2)   Do it at a secure time, when roommates won't come barging
     in, a firedrill is unlikely, etc.
3)   Simulate it in advance:
     a.   Go almost all the way.
     b.   Practice the thrusting motions of sex while fully
          clothed.
     c.   Have her give you a "hand job" so that she will know
          what your body does when you have an orgasm.
     d.   Have a bright lights "show and tell" session, to allow
          you to feel secure around each other's naked bodies.
4)   Plan it, but don't talk about it being planned, on the
     actual day that you do it.
5)   Stretch the vagina out a lot with the fingers in advance. If
     she feels comfortable with the idea, she can even do this
     herself when you're not around.
6)   Remember that it is her day--everything, within reason,
     should be done how she wants.
7)   Spend the day with her beforehand; do something fun but
     generic-- if you do something complicated, it will become
     "your" thing to do together forever, due to the association,
     so make sure it's something you can stand doing again on any
     potential anniversaries.
8)   Have a special dinner before you "start."
     a.   Nothing that can possibly upset the stomach.
     b.   A moderate amount, even if you're nervous. You should
          both stay a little hungry and not feel bloated.
9)   Use plenty of lubricant. I recommend k-y jelly for the first
     few times; after that you may want to consider a slightly
     less slippery but spermicidal lubricant, several brands are
     available commercially.
10)  Entry should be "missionary" style, this leaves the vagina
     as wide open as possible. Some women find that placing a
     pillow under the buttocks enhances this effect, others have
     said it doesn't matter.
11)  If she can do it, she may be best off to do the actual entry
     herself, but many women would rather not.
12)  There's no point in getting it over with right away, since
     it will only hurt the next time, but there is also no need
     to draw it out.
     I'd say 10-30 minutes is a good range, but it is actually
     going to vary a lot depending on the particular couple
     involved.
13)  Take forever, if necessary, before putting it in. Only when
     the woman is really ready should this be done. I'd recommend
     asking verbally, and then interpreting that to see if she
     really means it's time.
14)  Stay with her afterwards. Spend the night, at least. If
     possible, take her to do something spontaneous the next day.
     Discuss what happened if she wants to, many women won't want
     to until some later time.
15)  Encourage her to talk to other women ahead of time to give
     her some idea of what to expect. The unknown means fear,
     fear leads to tension, tension leads to difficulty relaxing,
     and difficulty relaxing leads to pain.
16)  A useful technique, for guys who can do this, is to keep the
     erection soft, at a sort of middling state, and then push
     the penis in with a finger. Then slowly let it harden. This
     will produce a stretching rather than a sudden opening of
     the vagina. If you can't do this, then at least go in slowly
     and gently, "getting it over with fast" is not likely to be
     better.
17)  Be more or less "in love." This is something you can't just
     decide to do, but it can help to wait until you love each
     other.

FOR THE VIRGIN MALE:
(from: Carole Ashmore)

OK. This is on the assumption that he's told you it's going to be
his first (some men tell you *afterward*) and that the two of you
are not first-timers fumbling together. In the both-first-timers
case I recommend strong egos, mutual respect and affection, and a
great sense of humor. Also theoretical knowledge *helps*. Read
the fucking manual. (Sorry I just couldn't resist the play on
words.) I recommend anything by Alex Comfort; THE JOY OF SEX and
THE FACTS OF LOVE are very good.

But on the assumption that he is a virgin and you are
experienced:

1.   There is a socially prevalent notion that men make love and
     women are made love to, so an experienced woman with an
     inexperienced man is going to be gritting her teeth enduring
     his fumbling ineptitude.
     *Actively counter this notion.* Tell him the thought of his
     being a virgin makes it a special and especially delightful
     encounter for you. Tell him the thought of initiating him
     into the joys of love-making is *very sexy for you*.
     Strongly convey the notion that you expect to have a great
     sexual experience based on his attractiveness, his
     enjoyment, and *your* skill. Make him believe that he has no
     responsibility for 'making this work' and can just enjoy it.
2.   Take the initiative physically. You kiss him, don't wait for
     him to kiss you. You start undressing him. You make the move
     in the direction of the bedroom. ETC. On the other hand,
     don't insist on the initiative if he takes it eagerly -- be
     appreciative, encourage it, but don't go limp and assume
     he'll take it from here.
3.   Tell him you find at least one thing about his body
     particularly attractive. Stay away from "You have beautiful
     eyes.", but almost anything else will do: Tell him you love
     men with hairy chests, or tell him he has a great ass, or
     tell him men with strong hands particularly turn you on, or
     tell him you love the way he smells, or tell him running
     your fingers through his hair is *so* sensual, or...
     something *specific*, not just, "You've got a great body."
     or "You're so sexy." After you tell him this, *show* him --
     run your fingers through his hair, enjoy grabbing the sexy
     ass, etc. as appropriate.
4.   Tell him you find at least one thing he does particularly
     attractive -- again, it is the *specific* thing that is
     believed and appreciated. "I love the way you kiss." or
     "Yes, touch me exactly like that." beats the hell out of
     "You're a great lover."
5.   He's going to be convinced he was either too fast or too
     slow -- the chances of simultaneous orgasm after whatever
     the culture has led him to believe is the 'proper' amount of
     time are just about nil. So be prepared ahead of time to
     convince him that this:
     A.   isn't a problem
     B.   happens to just about everybody.
     For 'too fast' tell him the first time just takes the edge
     off and he (not you) will have more time to enjoy the next
     session of lovemaking -- and meanwhile he has this wonderful
     opportunity (of *unspecified* length) to learn what pleases
     you while he's not so distracted. Assure him that you
     consider 'not being too distracted while learning' an
     *advantage* in lovemaking. For 'too slow' tell him you
     *enjoy* prolonged lovemaking -- either it gives you a chance
     for more than one orgasm or it gives you a chance to enjoy
     the wonderful sensuality of post-orgasmic sex. If it's
     obvious that it's too slow for him, that he's not going to
     make it if he keeps at it for the next two hours, let him
     know that he gave *you* a wonderful time and that
     everybody's nervous the first time, he'll be more relaxed
     and ready to enjoy it in the morning.
6.   Tell him you want to sleep with him again; don't assume he
     knows it -- don't make him ask, you ask.

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c3-2.     What should I do to make (the first attempt at) oral
          sex easiest? (See questions c3-4 and c3-6 for the
          related topics, hand jobs and the G-spot)

From: [e-mail] (Peter L. Hurd)
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Date: Sat, 7 Mar 1992 05:46:19 GMT

So I asked the expert, she said:

1)   really like the penis that you're sucking
2)   don't let any air in through the back of the throat, big
     vacuum.
3)   Horizontal strumming with the tongue across the base of the
     head on the underside to get limp penises up
4)   Use the top of the tongue to make friction on the head,
     pressing it up against the roof of the mouth.

I'd add: watch the teeth & I know this isn't anything new or
exciting, it's really difficult to describe how to perform oral
sex on a man, just as it is very difficult to describe to someone
how to tie shoelaces or bowties. But for the good of the species,
I think it's worth a try.

From: [e-mail]

The best way to learn is to experiment and learn from feedback.
Different people like different things. There are some general
comments that might be worth making. At the least it will get
someone to contradict me and start a useful discussion.

FOR HIM:

Deep-throating apparently requires handling the gag reflex by
swallowing when it happens. In my opinion, it isn't that
important. Complete enclosure isn't the strong point of oral
stimulation. If that is important to you, try something else. She
may be able to help by using her hands on the part of the shaft
she can't enclose. The advantage of oral stimulation is the
control and variety it provides, which are only available with
shallower penetration anyway.

From others.somewhere.edu:

I find that it helps if you are hungry when you do it. Never
attempt going down on a guy if you've eaten a big meal recently.
Make sure that you're not thirsty when you start. For some reason
thirst closes up the back of your throat.

Also, concentrate on breathing through your nose deeply while
doing it. (This is the only way I can hold off chocking on my
toothbrush every morning.)

According to Linda Lovelace of "Deep Throat" fame, the most
comfortable way to give a blow job is if your throat is straight.
In order to achieve this, try laying on his chest.

She also suggests that you practice by sticking your fingers down
your throat and wiggling them around til you feel the gag reflex
and then ease off. Repeat until you've defeated the reflex, it'll
take time she says.

From [e-mail]:

FOR HER:

First of all, recognize that women prefer gentler and more
rhythmic stimulation than men. An advantage of using the tongue
instead of the fingers is that it naturally produces about the
right amount of pressure. Stimulation inside the vagina needs to
be firmer and also requires more reach, so it is better handled
with the fingers. If she is sensitive internally, there is no
reason to be a purist and insist on using only your mouth. Trying
to apply firm pressure or get too much reach with my tongue is
the only way I've ever had it get tired. Otherwise it seems to be
inexhaustible for hours.

The tongue and lips are obviously the source of most oral
stimulation. I have read descriptions of using the teeth for
stimulation but I don't recommend it. The tissues are very
sensitive and one uncontrolled body movement from her could cause
a lot of pain and leave a scratch. This can also occur with
fingernails, so keep them short, with no rough edges. The only
use I've found for teeth during oral sex is pressing their front
surface through the cushion of the upper lip to apply firm
pressure to the buried root of the clitoris at the base of the
pubic bone. If she really wants hard pressure on the clitoris,
you might try using your teeth with your lips rolled inwards to
cover the surfaces (a technique borrowed from nipple
stimulation).

The clitoris is your main area of concentration. Some women don't
like it to be stimulated directly because it is too sensitive. It
also may disappear under its hood at some stages of arousal and
stopping to try and locate it again disrupts the stimulation. In
both these cases, the hood and labia (lips) nearby should be
stimulated to indirectly stimulate the clitoris. The labia are
sensitive themselves as well.

Trying to stimulate the vagina orally is difficult and not very
effective except for a little variety. I've always found the 69
(mutual oral sex) positions give the wrong angle for best access,
though that might be due to less experience with them. They
definitely make it more difficult for the female to stimulate the
male well, since they place the sensitive underside of the penis
away from her tongue. It is usually better to take turns giving
and receiving anyway, just to avoid distraction.

There is a wide variety of types of stimulation that can be used.
The tongue can be used flat to broadly stroke areas or pointed to
tease a small area. Linear, circular or any other imaginable
motions can be used. The lips can apply suction, press something
between them, or have their wet and outward rolled inner surfaces
used for broad strokes like the tongue. The nose can provide some
interesting stimulation when the tongue is occupied lower down.
Mustaches and beards can be used to tickle with.

You can blow a narrow stream of cool air at a spot or breathe
warm air over an entire area (just don't try to inflate the
vagina; it may be dangerous). Experiment and find out what works
best for you and your partner. It may change at different times
and levels of arousal. Light teasing and varied stimulation are
good for early arousal, but steady rhythmic stimulation is best
for bringing her to orgasm. You just have to learn her responses
to avoid changing stimulation too quickly for her to get excited
or staying with the same stimulation after it has lost
effectiveness.

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